Chart Throb

ISBN: 059305749X

Author: Elton, Ben

Condition: Used

Product DescriptionBen Elton is about to put the real back into Reality TV in his biting satire of one of todays most popular cultural phenomena - the TV talent show.95,000 hopefuls. Three judges. Just one winner.And thats Colin Simms, the genius behind the show.Colin always wins, because Colin writes the rules. But this year, as he sits smugly in judgment on the mingers, clingers and blingers whom he has pre-selected in his carefully scripted search for a star, he has no idea that the rules are changing. The real is about to be put back into reality television, and Colin and his fellow judges (the nations favourite mum and the other bloke) are about to become ex-factors themselves.From the best-selling author of The First Casualty, Popcorn, and Dead Famous comes Chart Throb. One winner. A whole bunch of losers.From the Trade Paperback edition.ReviewAn absolute coup of black comedy.-Daily Telegraph on Popcorn.From the Trade Paperback edition.About the AuthorBen Eltons career as both standup comic and writer encompasses some of the most memorable and incisive comedy of the past twenty years. He is the writer of such TV hits as The Young Ones, Blackadder and The Thin Blue Line.From the Trade Paperback edition.Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.And Still to ComeSome years from nowThe nation had watched Shaiana cry so many times. Heard her voice crack as she struggled to complete her sentence.'I just want this so much. I really, really want it so much. It's all I ever wanted. Since I was a little girl . . . It's my . . . It's my . . .'She couldn't do it. Words failed her. Her lip quivered, her nostrils flared and a watery film spread across her eyes. The lids closed in an agonized grimace and squeezed out a glistening tear.Just a tear, a single tear, but such a tear. One of the most scrutinized tears that was ever shed. Few tears in all history would be seen by so many and so often. Over and over again it had teetered momentarily upon the thickly mascaraed lashes of Shaiana's lower lid before tipping forward and rolling heavily across the downy expanse of that now nationally familiar cheek, tracing its course through the heavy blusher with which the makeup artist had struggled in vain to cover the tiny blemishes on Shaiana's quivering face.The people in their millions had absorbed this scene immediately before the last break and also before the break which preceded that. They had seen it at the very beginning of the programme and in the trailers that had played throughout the earlier part of the evening. Those with access to the digital channels had been able to watch the tear for nearly a week already and grainy stills of it had appeared in the press. It was also possible to download it to one's mobile phone by accessing the 'preview highlights' section of the Chart Throb website.But despite all this massive exposure, up until now that tear had always been a future tear, a tear which, in the endlessly repeated phrase of Keely the presenter, was 'still to come'.'And still to come, it's all too much for Shaiana.''Still to come, Shaiana struggles to keep it together.''Is Shaiana's dream turning into a nightmare? All that and more, still to come.'And so the tear had teetered. A maybe tear, present and entirely familiar but nonetheless a tear in waiting. But now finally it had arrived. No longer a tear that was 'still to come' but all of a sudden a clear and present tear, a tear that was on its way. And for the first time (but most certainly not the last) the viewing millions saw it disappear beneath the square white plastic nail of Shaiana's outstretched finger as she rested her chin upon Keely's gorgeous skinny shoulder, and failed to find the word for which she was struggling.'I just want this so much,' she repeated. 'I really, really do. I want it so much. It's all I ever wanted. Since I was a little girl . . . It's my . . . It's my . . .'At